As most of you know I have been looking for a job, off and on, for some time now. I think the reason I hate looking for a job is the stupid process you have to go through to get the job. The dumb questions they ask you on a resume and in the interviews. I came across this application that was filled out for a job at McDonald's and it cracked me up. I so want to have the nerve to do this someday.
McDonald's APPLICATION
This is an actual
job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: John Smith
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus
stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A
CAR?I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house
Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?Yes – Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.